If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
