Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
