what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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