So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
