You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
