Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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