He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Vodka?
Forever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
