We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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