Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
