Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
