capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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