I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
