i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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