Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think i have two assholes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
