So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
