i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
