Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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