Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
