hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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