He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
