i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
