this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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