Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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