I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
