haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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