I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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