dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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