A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
