In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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