Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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