The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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