it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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