So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
