drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
