honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
