If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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