just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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