Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
