so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
