I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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