Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
