if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
