They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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