I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
