So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
