Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
