I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
