We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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