no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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