3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
